Lists and Labels

Lately, I have been completely absorbed in an overwhelming whirlwind of inspired thought. From embarking on a Camino de Santiago to portrait painting to learning to play the guitar, violin, and Cajon drum to being a professional photographer to getting an MS in Nutrition/Health Education to becoming a crafter/seamstress making anything and everything to also becoming a pastry chef with a personal training certification. The list could go on, I'm sure, but I'd rather not get any more obnoxious than I already have. This has been my main struggle in life, finding one avenue and committing to it. I have so many interests, but I never know where to start. Each of them takes much time and money to thoroughly explore, and, well, what if I pick the wrong one? I've tried starting one, but, in doing so, I always find myself with urges to try another, losing interest in the one I've started. A wondering eye of sorts. I'm discovering that its balance I lack. When I'm overwhelmed I procrastinate, shut down, and waste time doing none of the things I'm interested in. Please note: I understand that most of what I listed are hobbies and I'm sure you are saying to yourself, "You can do all those things recreationally (not a word, google?.. oh well, it is now :)), I don't really get your dilemma.."

It's not necessarily that I feel I'm in a dilemma, but rather feeling unfocused. Most of what I listed are just aspiring hobbies, but wouldn't it be nice if I could figure out a way to incorporate them all into a career? That way I don't feel like finding my path, career-wise, is taking so much away from also pursuing what makes me most happy.

Who am I? What do I want to be? Two questions I face, as most twenties somethings graduating college usually do, constantly by friends and family interested in what I plan to do after graduation.

I really don't like to label myself. When someone calls me an artist because I like to paint and draw, I shyly say sure, but I feel like a fake. When someone asks if I'm a photographer because they learn I have shot a few weddings I blush and say no not really. I don't dedicate my life to these activities like an Artist has to in order to be successful. How can I put myself in the same category as someone who eats, sleeps, and breaths painting and creating when I pick up a brush every 4-6 months or so? But it's not just feeling that I can't compare when I don't dedicate the same amount of efforts, it's also that I feel that my interests are constantly changing and evolving. One minute I feel really creative, inspired to paint, the next I couldn't feel less interested and more intrigued by something else.

I may never be one for labels, but someday I will be able to say I'm someone who has completed a marathon, exercises religiously, paints often, likes to craft, enjoys encouraging people to eat better, bakes regularly, experiments with recipes, can express herself through music and dance, can make her own clothes, and travels frequently. For now, I'm just figuring out how I can happily make a living, surviving in this workaholic money driven society.

I think I need to make more lists...